So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He kissed a someone with a penis
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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