i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
