wat bout pragnant strippers??
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
