I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Randomize
