this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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