Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
