remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
