i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
