I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
