you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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