Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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