i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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