Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
