Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
