What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
