I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize