i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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