Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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