dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
