we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The Olympian is in my bed
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