why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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