I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
