i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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