her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
