ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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