If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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