ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you still have your period?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize