Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
