Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
