i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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