i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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