Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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