I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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