i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
