She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She bit a glass in half.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
