I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
