had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Welp...herpes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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