i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
