Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize