if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
