woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
