he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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