I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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