those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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