the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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