If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
