I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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