i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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