Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
