i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
