I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
do herpes really smell.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize