we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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