You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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