sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
