i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
