i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
