My room smells like vodka and shame
I cannot find my penis.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
