Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
