I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
