dude i'm inner monologue high
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize