found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
zippers are such a cool invention
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
