Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
