If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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