Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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