she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize