now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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