His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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