I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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