After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just google imaged poop.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
