normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
