i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize