Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
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