2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
