so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
