I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
