When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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