after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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