He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
vagina is talking i cant
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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