I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
