with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
