it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
