It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
