and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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