they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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