New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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