from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
